Outline of Student's Guide Essay

https://www.flickr.com/photos/lwr/5979868093

Here is a link to my outline of the Student Guide's student essay!

The organization of the essay, while not the best I have ever seen, was fairly decent. Overall, I feel that the student did pretty well as far as analyzing the rhetoric goes. One paragraph that I thought was particularly strong was the first body paragraph. The student used two examples to support their claim, and in both cases, they were chosen and analyzed well. The author of this essay brought up some really good points as to how the two scenarios appealed to the emotions of the readers. I found the fashion show/runway symbolism to be quite interesting. Typically when people think "runway" or "fashion", there are positive associations; however, this is not the case for sex trafficking. The tone here is somber and this continues throughout the rest of the commentary the student provides. By using abstract connections and making solid inferences based off the evidence they choose, the student demonstrates their ability to analyze the rhetorical situation.

The paragraph that I think was the least impressive was probably the second body paragraph. I say this because while the author of the essay tries to bring in new evidence, they still refer back to their first paragraph, and even use some of the exact language and the examples from the paragraph before. Thus, they repeat themselves all too frequently. Typically, when there is a paragraph change, there should also be a shift in discussion or a shift in examples in order to bring in new insight to the analysis. So, in order to make this paragraph better, I would suggest either new evidence usage or new commentary, because as I just said, a shift in topic would allow for more insight and analysis to occur, which would definitely make for a stronger paper overall.

Switching back to organization though, I found the topic sentences to be directly correlated to the thesis statement. It allows for a sense of unity in the student paper, which also allows the piece to stay focused on its central goal of analyzing how the rhetoric appeals to the emotions of the audience. (I outlined each and every topic sentence so that I could come to this conclusion). The only problem was that the information was very repetitive in each paragraph, so it seemed like the student was sharing more than they needed to. But truly, the topic sentences were one of the highlights of this paper, as the student clearly took their time developing the connections between the thesis and all the paragraphs.

Lastly, the student chose great examples for evidence that they used to support their claims as well as analyze the rhetoric. They examples chosen were well thought out, and the analysis clearly related back to the thesis of the essay. All in all, the essay was a very good analysis, but it could still benefit from some editing for repetitiveness.