Revision of Blog 20

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pin-up_girl

When I first did a rewrite, I chose a larger section to cover, but I have decided to narrow down my focus to one paragraph, as I felt it would be more beneficial to learn to work with this one. Brumberg captured a lot of meaning in such a small amount of words that it was truly fascinating. 


There is a clear motif throughout Greenfield's photos that showcases the ability of men to objectify women and their bodies. For instance, take the photo that Greenfield captured in which a girl has her legs wrapped around a man's waist and her head bent back into the crotch of another man during spring break in Florida. Their blissful faces are on display, and we can feel the smug attitudes radiating off of them at the sight of the girl bending and conforming to their bodies in a way that clearly emphasizes their pleasure. Moreover, this type of scenario can be seen when Greenfield captures a pornographic film star with her male coworker; the focus of the photo is clearly on her half-naked body (as well as how she is being "handled") and dissatisfied facial expression. Greenfield forces the audience to look directly at the discontent woman herself and the way in which the male objectifies her through his touch.

What I Learned

When outlining Brumberg's essay, I learned how to properly focus on the types of evidence I would want to bring into an analysis. Furthermore, I learned that it is easy to pick apart an essay, but not necessarily to put it all back together in your own words (go figure!). After comparing my paragraph and Brumber's original, I noticed that I was focusing on a lot more analysis of the photo instead of audience reaction like Brumberg was. In fact, I had two examples with multiple sentences after each description, whereas Brumberg allowed at most two sentences of analysis. Brumberg instead emphasized what the audience observed of men and how they played a role in the objectification of women. Thus, when rewriting my paragraph, I kept the same examples as my previous rewrite, but I focused on how the men played a role in objectification as well as audience reaction to the photo itself. Lastly, in this case, Brumberg did not use a concluding sentence, but rather ended her paragraph with a bold statement regarding the photo she had just analyzed.