I received feedback from Davis, Michael Burger, Laura, and my roommate. My roommate, Michael, and Laura suggested talking a little bit more about the rhetoric/goals/purposes that Stanton has or wants to showcase. Davis suggested that I shorten my introduction and focus more on families/relationships rather than general background information. In order to incorporate their suggestions, I will pay a bit more attention to my analysis, and also try to shorten my introduction to make it more about relationships and families. I think the most important thing I could do to my paper is try to make my analysis stronger. I have a lot of good points, but I know I need to tie it all together. I could structure my argument better by making sure I don't sound repetitive. I'm not really missing any points, but I might try to include some analysis on Stanton's ethos. Additionally, I want to improve my first paragraph on families and my second paragraph on relationships in order to ensure that I emphasize how Stanton's photos relate to everyone, and not just his primary audience. Furthermore, I of course make the analysis stronger in those sections as well. Lastly, I believe that the best thing I can do to improve my prose is work on being concise so that I don't drift too far from my arguments. In general, my paper is by no means bad, but I know it still needs quite a bit of work to get it where I want it to be. :)
I posted suggestions on Benjamin's and Arrick's papers.
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Your thesis was really good, and you did a nice job incorporating it into your paragraphs. I think you had some really strong, personal evidence. There were a few times that you overgeneralized, like with how people relate to the picture if they are in a relationship. What about all the people that aren't? Can people only relate if they went through the same things or are they universal themes everyone can relate to? Overall, it was a really good essay!
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